In honor of my aliveness, you get snapshots! :)
Oh, My Joshy boy! My firstborn. My sparkly, giggly, schnaggle-toothed delight.
Such a sweet, shy fellow.
Wait a second.
Ugh. STOP THAT, you punk! Look at the influence you're being to your sister.
Mmmhmm. Couldn't you at least make
happy faces?
Lovely. Yes, that's exactly what I had in mind.
Walnut was quite proud of himself for helping Momma with the laundry. When he does a job, he jumps right in with both feet. ;)
"I keess you because I love you - mwah!"
Taken on Walnut's first birthday. Daddy has the best shoulders for konking out on. They simply can't resist.
Walter: "HAIR! hahaha! Addie hair! bwahahaha! How I love to have it in my clutches!"
Addie: "Um. Momma? A little help please?"
After a fun afternoon running through the sprinkler. Even Walnut joined in by running by in his walker.
Miss Angie got these three some silly glasses. I tried so hard to get one of all three of them looking "normal".
Who am I kidding? This IS normal!
Can you hear it? She has the most delicious laughter.
When Walter was born I had visions of dressing the kids up, combing every hair smooth, and capturing all of their sweet, grinning faces together in one frame. I am a photographer of sorts, am I not? Reality has given me something different though and I think that I am perhaps even more thankful to have these snaps of the real them than the "perfect" shot.
We had a bit of excitement here this week. I woke up at around 1AM on Monday morning to go to the bathroom and as I stood up, I passed a huge blood clot and then I could feel the blood just pumping out of me. I startled Josh awake and asked for a towel to put between my legs and more towels to make a path to the bathroom so I wouldn't get more blood everywhere. He helped me into the shower so I could get cleaned up and I began to investigate the clots I was passing to see if I could find the baby since I wanted to bury it. I found a sac, a placenta, and a cord, but no baby so I set to rinsing the blood out of my pajamas which were behind me on the floor of the tub. The blood kept coming and just as I began to think that I must be hemorrhaging, dizziness and nausea overwhelmed me and I had to sit down to keep from totally blacking out. I called for Josh, who was busily cleaning the blood off the rug, and his mom called an ambulance which came promptly and a couple of fellas carried me out through the rain to an awaiting stretcher. Once in the ambulance, they took my blood pressure, heart rate, blood oxygen, and started an IV.
At the hospital, they pumped more fluids into me and took a blood test, checked out a few other things, and did two ultrasounds. The tests showed that the baby had indeed died a week or two ago as I had suspected. They told me I could go home and take it easy. I went to the bathroom and passed more clots the size of grapefruits, got cleaned up a bit, and dressed. As I walked over to wash my hands I began to feel woozy again so I asked Josh to hold me up. I vaguely remember him sitting me in a chair and then I was dreaming. I was in a boat on a peaceful lake at sunset. The water was aglow with warm color and there was a little mist rising off of the reeds on the bank. I could hear crickets and frogs singing and I felt the cool water on my fingertips as I lazed in my boat. :) Then the mosquitoes started biting! I heard Josh calling me from somewhere. Calling me. Calling me. I came to with a whole bunch of nurses and Josh surrounding me. They lifted me to the bed and slapped all sorts of monitors onto me. My heart rate was 48; blood pressure - dangerously low. The Dr. came in to explain that I must have lost much more blood than they originally thought and that they were going to do another panel. Josh at my side; holding my hand, stroking my hair. More fluids. More pricks. So tired. They banded me for a transfusion and warned that I would probably need a d&c to stop the bleeding.
The labs came back. I was very close to needing a transfusion, but hadn't reached the critical level so we declined for the time being. The OB that my midwife had recommended happened to be in on Monday morning, so they wheeled me up to OB so I could have a chat with her. More clots, more cramping. She explained that in order for my uterus to clamp down on the blood vessels within, all of the clots would have to be removed by d&c. I was concerned about scarring since I would dearly love to have more babies, but she told me the tool they use now is a gentle vacuum and scarring is extremely rare. She warned that I may have to have a hysterectomy thought if the bleeding couldn't be stopped or if there were complications.
We spoke to the anesthesiologist for a few minutes. Without the aid of my glasses to see features distinctly, I imagined that he looked like a man who should be the owner of his own pizzeria. 'Papa's Pizzeria'!
Down they wheeled me to the OR. A quick good-bye to Josh and my m-i-l Lonna at the doors and right into a little room where they hooked up a hammock-like thing to more easily transport me onto the bed in the OR. The nurse at my side was cracking jokes and pretty soon I tasted a strange metallic flavor. A squeezing pressure on my head. Everyone's voice sounded strange and cartoonish. "Papa" said, "Goodnight!" and the next thing I knew, I was waking up after what felt like a solid 10 hour nap. I could hear myself sobbing, "My baby. I lost my baby." The attending nurse was very kind and we chatted for a bit. She told me Michael Jackson had used the same sleeping meds that I'd just been given and that whomever gave them to him was in big trouble. My throat was so sore, it hurt to swallow. The nurse told me they'd had to intubate to keep my airway open because the usual method hadn't been successful.
Into recovery. It was so good to see my husband! Lonna! Jen (Josh's eldest sis)! I am so blessed to have such a husband. He was my comfort, my advocate, my support. He brought me to my Father in prayer and thanksgiving. No pain. Little bleeding. Rest. We had a lovely nurse named Barb. She was a Christian and had such a pleasant bedside manner. It makes all the difference in the world to have caring people looking over you. Their very touch is different and they don't treat you like a faceless number, a burden, or a chore.
We were given the green light to go home after a couple more hours. I've never been so happy to see my kids! How much I've been given! How thankful I am to the Lord!
Presently I'm very weak but I'm regaining a bit more strength every day. The Dr. said it will take a month or so to build my blood count back up to normal so Josh, Lonna, and Ann (Josh's youngest sister) are doing everything they can to nourish me and let me rest. Josh went out and got a juicer and he's been making me delicious combos. Who knew that spinach and carrot juice could be so good? I've been using my time to read some good books that I'd been saving until after I'd passed my Driver's exam. 'Shepherding a Child's Heart' by Tedd Tripp particularily. What an encouraging book for parents.
I want to thank all of you for praying for me. For the flowers. For the priceless gifts of your time and energies. My mourning has turned to joy. I am at peace and I know that it could only come from the Lord.
"The Lord upholdeth all that fall, and raiseth up all those that be bowed down." Psalm 145:14
