Sunday, July 26, 2009

Summer fun



We all went to Jen's for some swimming fun today. It was so nice to get out in the sunshine, dip my feet in the pool, and take pictures of all of the happy faces.



Joshy isn't quite ready to jump off the diving board himself, but he consented to letting Josh drop him off. At one point Gregory shouted out:

"Jump Joshy! I'll be right here to save you if anything happens!"

Joshy, with a tone of incredulity: "What? You can't save me! That's water!"



Jackson 2.5 second to launch.



haha I don't think Johnny checks my blog. Shhh! Nobody tell. :)



Surface tension is a freaky thing! That's Harrison emerging there.



Harrison, buddy, your approach is great. Perhaps some work on your form?



So much better. What style! What grace!



I have so many more photos but I just glanced at my clock and noticed that it's almost midnight. I leave you with this cutie-pie.

Have a wonderful rest in the Lord tomorrow!

Friday, July 24, 2009

Babies are hilarious


Babies are hilarious, originally uploaded by iamaprice(Amanda).

"Ow! Something's stuck in my eye."

Precious boy


Precious boy, originally uploaded by iamaprice(Amanda).

I'm finally caught up on all of my nb editing. When you're laid up it's lovely to have something useful to do.

I walked away from this session thinking I'd gotten nothing because the light was too harsh and the room too squishy, but I really like this one. I got to use Ang's blue blanket at long last and I love the scrumptious texture, plus little L was such a good fella and my s-i-l Jen was such a great assistant.

It feels wonderful to be getting stronger every day. I still get exhausted rather too easily for my liking, but I must remind myself of where I was a week ago, how much I've been given, and just be grateful that I have such willing hands to help me while I recover.

Friday, July 17, 2009

Before I forget

I have to write down more of their little sayings. I always think that I'll remember, but they escape me so quickly in the busyness of life.

Emmy: "Momma?"

Me: "Yes, sweetie."

Emmy: (whispers) "May I just pray for you for a little bit?"

Me: Sure!"

Emmy: "Dear Father, please help my Mommy to get better and strong? In Jesus name, Amen.

Now you just rest. I'll take care of everything for you."
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I was in bed for the first couple of days after getting home from the hospital. The kids had strict orders from Daddy to let me sleep. Being separated from me is hardest on Addie. She's always been a cuddler and I think her world isn't quite right when she can't snuggle up to me at any given moment of the day and tell me she loves me. One morning she quietly knocked on my bedroom door and asked:

"Momma? May I please come in and visit you?"

"Sure, how's my little two-toots?"

"I'm fine, Chowcha Momma. Are you all better? I will read to you."

She got Josh's bible off of the shelf and scrambled up onto the bed and proceeded to "read" Exodus 20: 1:17.

"Ahem. And God spake ALL these words sayeen: I an the Lowd thy God which haf brought thee out of the land of Ebjit; outta the HOUSE of bomb-dage..."

Later on that day after hearing me talk to one of my sisters about the miscarriage she asked me:

"Momma? You have some blood cloffs (cloths)? I will wash dem for you."
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Joshy: "Mom, I like it when you're sick. Well, only for one reason. You need me to help you lift all of the heavy things and work more."

Me: "Aha. Taking notes, my son ;)"

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I really try to be a submissive wife but I think I need to work on always using a respectful and meek tone when talking to Josh.

Emmy in prayer at breakfast a few weeks ago:

"Our Lord, we thank thee for this food. Please use it for nourish our bodies. Please help me not to be bossy to Addie today and Lord, please help my mommy not to be bossy to Daddy."

Me: *humiliation galore*
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Joshy: Ha! Did you see that guy opening the door of his car through the window? That's sooo 80's.

Me: "Come again? What makes that "80's?"

Joshy: "Well, way back then I don't think they had invented a door latch for the inside of the car yet, so that's why they had to reach through the window to open the door and get out."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Addie's has developed a fascination for all things pink this year. One day she said to me:

"Momma, I just love Jesus!"

"Oh! That's wonderful, sweetie."

"Ya, he's so pink to me!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Addie: " Can somebody please open the scream door for me?!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Addie, giving my arm a squeeze at the dinner table: "Ooo! I just LOVE you my hairy, little Momma!"

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I had more but I can't think of them at the moment.

By way of update, I'm feeling much stronger. I can walk around slowly all by myself without even holding onto walls! Wooo! I also was able to get back to making business calls today. It does me good to do the things I'm capable of. Don't worry though, you worriers, I'm still taking it pretty easy and getting lots of rest.

I leave you with another snapshot(he's had a haircut since)of Walnut making "the face". When he doesn't like something but can't summon enough emotion to actually produce tears, he gives the offender this face accompanied with the most pathetic imitation of a real cry:

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

It's good to be alive!

In honor of my aliveness, you get snapshots! :)

Oh, My Joshy boy! My firstborn. My sparkly, giggly, schnaggle-toothed delight.
Such a sweet, shy fellow.

Wait a second.
Ugh. STOP THAT, you punk! Look at the influence you're being to your sister.
Mmmhmm. Couldn't you at least make happy faces?
Lovely. Yes, that's exactly what I had in mind.
Walnut was quite proud of himself for helping Momma with the laundry. When he does a job, he jumps right in with both feet. ;)
"I keess you because I love you - mwah!"
Taken on Walnut's first birthday. Daddy has the best shoulders for konking out on. They simply can't resist.
Walter: "HAIR! hahaha! Addie hair! bwahahaha! How I love to have it in my clutches!"
Addie: "Um. Momma? A little help please?"
After a fun afternoon running through the sprinkler. Even Walnut joined in by running by in his walker.
Miss Angie got these three some silly glasses. I tried so hard to get one of all three of them looking "normal".
Who am I kidding? This IS normal!
Can you hear it? She has the most delicious laughter.
When Walter was born I had visions of dressing the kids up, combing every hair smooth, and capturing all of their sweet, grinning faces together in one frame. I am a photographer of sorts, am I not? Reality has given me something different though and I think that I am perhaps even more thankful to have these snaps of the real them than the "perfect" shot.

We had a bit of excitement here this week. I woke up at around 1AM on Monday morning to go to the bathroom and as I stood up, I passed a huge blood clot and then I could feel the blood just pumping out of me. I startled Josh awake and asked for a towel to put between my legs and more towels to make a path to the bathroom so I wouldn't get more blood everywhere. He helped me into the shower so I could get cleaned up and I began to investigate the clots I was passing to see if I could find the baby since I wanted to bury it. I found a sac, a placenta, and a cord, but no baby so I set to rinsing the blood out of my pajamas which were behind me on the floor of the tub. The blood kept coming and just as I began to think that I must be hemorrhaging, dizziness and nausea overwhelmed me and I had to sit down to keep from totally blacking out. I called for Josh, who was busily cleaning the blood off the rug, and his mom called an ambulance which came promptly and a couple of fellas carried me out through the rain to an awaiting stretcher. Once in the ambulance, they took my blood pressure, heart rate, blood oxygen, and started an IV.

At the hospital, they pumped more fluids into me and took a blood test, checked out a few other things, and did two ultrasounds. The tests showed that the baby had indeed died a week or two ago as I had suspected. They told me I could go home and take it easy. I went to the bathroom and passed more clots the size of grapefruits, got cleaned up a bit, and dressed. As I walked over to wash my hands I began to feel woozy again so I asked Josh to hold me up. I vaguely remember him sitting me in a chair and then I was dreaming. I was in a boat on a peaceful lake at sunset. The water was aglow with warm color and there was a little mist rising off of the reeds on the bank. I could hear crickets and frogs singing and I felt the cool water on my fingertips as I lazed in my boat. :) Then the mosquitoes started biting! I heard Josh calling me from somewhere. Calling me. Calling me. I came to with a whole bunch of nurses and Josh surrounding me. They lifted me to the bed and slapped all sorts of monitors onto me. My heart rate was 48; blood pressure - dangerously low. The Dr. came in to explain that I must have lost much more blood than they originally thought and that they were going to do another panel. Josh at my side; holding my hand, stroking my hair. More fluids. More pricks. So tired. They banded me for a transfusion and warned that I would probably need a d&c to stop the bleeding.

The labs came back. I was very close to needing a transfusion, but hadn't reached the critical level so we declined for the time being. The OB that my midwife had recommended happened to be in on Monday morning, so they wheeled me up to OB so I could have a chat with her. More clots, more cramping. She explained that in order for my uterus to clamp down on the blood vessels within, all of the clots would have to be removed by d&c. I was concerned about scarring since I would dearly love to have more babies, but she told me the tool they use now is a gentle vacuum and scarring is extremely rare. She warned that I may have to have a hysterectomy thought if the bleeding couldn't be stopped or if there were complications.

We spoke to the anesthesiologist for a few minutes. Without the aid of my glasses to see features distinctly, I imagined that he looked like a man who should be the owner of his own pizzeria. 'Papa's Pizzeria'!

Down they wheeled me to the OR. A quick good-bye to Josh and my m-i-l Lonna at the doors and right into a little room where they hooked up a hammock-like thing to more easily transport me onto the bed in the OR. The nurse at my side was cracking jokes and pretty soon I tasted a strange metallic flavor. A squeezing pressure on my head. Everyone's voice sounded strange and cartoonish. "Papa" said, "Goodnight!" and the next thing I knew, I was waking up after what felt like a solid 10 hour nap. I could hear myself sobbing, "My baby. I lost my baby." The attending nurse was very kind and we chatted for a bit. She told me Michael Jackson had used the same sleeping meds that I'd just been given and that whomever gave them to him was in big trouble. My throat was so sore, it hurt to swallow. The nurse told me they'd had to intubate to keep my airway open because the usual method hadn't been successful.

Into recovery. It was so good to see my husband! Lonna! Jen (Josh's eldest sis)! I am so blessed to have such a husband. He was my comfort, my advocate, my support. He brought me to my Father in prayer and thanksgiving. No pain. Little bleeding. Rest. We had a lovely nurse named Barb. She was a Christian and had such a pleasant bedside manner. It makes all the difference in the world to have caring people looking over you. Their very touch is different and they don't treat you like a faceless number, a burden, or a chore.

We were given the green light to go home after a couple more hours. I've never been so happy to see my kids! How much I've been given! How thankful I am to the Lord!

Presently I'm very weak but I'm regaining a bit more strength every day. The Dr. said it will take a month or so to build my blood count back up to normal so Josh, Lonna, and Ann (Josh's youngest sister) are doing everything they can to nourish me and let me rest. Josh went out and got a juicer and he's been making me delicious combos. Who knew that spinach and carrot juice could be so good? I've been using my time to read some good books that I'd been saving until after I'd passed my Driver's exam. 'Shepherding a Child's Heart' by Tedd Tripp particularily. What an encouraging book for parents.

I want to thank all of you for praying for me. For the flowers. For the priceless gifts of your time and energies. My mourning has turned to joy. I am at peace and I know that it could only come from the Lord.

"The Lord upholdeth all that fall, and raiseth up all those that be bowed down." Psalm 145:14

Saturday, July 11, 2009

A quick update

You regulars may notice that I took my baby widget down. I've been seeing signs that something wasn't quite right with the baby for the last week or so and now I'm afraid that my suspicions were correct. I've begun to miscarry.

I am trying to remain cheerful in the knowledge that the Lord is my constant friend and he brings even these painful things to pass for my good because it glorifies him to do so. He has never failed me before and I trust that he is with me now.

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